Unexpected Bliss
by Moment For Life
Summary: In February 1913, Rose's life is very different to the one we know it as. One-shot.


**February 19th 1913**

The rain hit the windows before sliding down causing a pool on the outside sill and then dripping slowly. Rose watched this repeatedly from the upholstered chair she had shifted to seat next to the window in her chamber. She was exhausted, restless and needed a diversion from her silly mind. The wind was harsh, rattling the windows occasionally and startling her from the reverie of thoughts.

She uncrossed her legs feeling the familiar discomfort in her young hips. At just eighteen, she felt scores older than her own age. The tightness across her stomach began and then as she clutched it with both hands; she felt a nudge from within and then again. She wasn't alone. Her child was due to be born in the coming weeks. The first for both her and Caledon Hockley, her husband of just ten months. He presently resided in New York City and would retreat home in time for the birth of their child. The past four months had been spent mostly alone resting and awaiting the arrival of her baby.

Christmas Day had been spent with her own Mother. A feast had been served, enough to feed the homeless of the city and then some. She had picked at her food, nudged by her Mother to eat to feed her child. The New Year had been spent alone once again, watching the celebrations from afar as partygoers attended the party which the Hockley's had thrown. Cal had written when he could and he sent his wishes and love for both her and their child and Rose wished she could say those words brought her comfort. Instead it filled her with something else, almost dread of his return. Without him the house was quiet but at least it was hers. There was less parties and people to entertain whilst playing the beautiful pregnant wife accepting 'congratulations' and bouquets from strangers. The child would be hers.

It moved once more and she winced in discomfort. She often would sit alone and picture this child she had created with her husband so quickly into their marriage. Boy or girl? Red or dark? One thing was for sure; pregnancy did not suit her. The initial sickness had knocked her silly from the first few weeks of discovering of the child's existence. She was queasy, tired and refused to see anyone. After the sickness wore away came the dizziness and the fainting. Cal had hired a doctor to live with them temporarily to ensure his wife's safety even though she didn't feel it was necessary and then he had moved to the New York Office in late October.

She sighed as the rain continued. The garden was a mountain of mud and slush where it had once been the place she could take time alone to walk and enjoy the sun or even just a moment away from life locked in the house. She truly felt alone, even with life inside of her. She played with her engagement and wedding bands, they were loose on her finger due to the weight she had lost and never regained during early pregnancy. Her dresses hung from her except her tummy. She lightly ran her middle left finger over her stomach to entice the kicks. She liked to know it was alive and aware of her presence even though she had found it hard to think of it as human. It was more alien like and as she had lost control more of her own body, the more alien like it had become. Recently though, perhaps at Christmas she had begun speaking to the child when she was alone. It was of books and places and occasionally of her own childhood. She never made promises though, nor did she speak of Cal. She knew she would have to get used to been alone with the child once it would arrive as Cal wouldn't be around and she had refused help from nannies all along despite her Mother's pleas. If other women raised children alone then why couldn't she?

''The rain doesn't stop here very much. Perhaps in Spring it will be suitable for a walk to the park.'' She said softly as she stroked her stomach. It moved and she felt less alone. ''I think the air would do us both some good.''

She moved to ensure her hips didn't ache so much. ''Of course, I doubt you would care for the birds and trees so much just yet but in a year or two.''

She longed to go outside just to feel the fresh air. The winter months had been harsh and Christmas had bought snow. As a child she would sit at the window just as she did now and watch the snow fall and imagine excitedly what it would be like to lay in it, throw snowballs or chase a dog around in it but of course she was never allowed to but that didn't stop her imagination running wild.

The child moved around once more and she stretched out her back. Poor thing was trying to get comfortable. ''There isn't much room left inside?'' She said with a smile. ''I guess you'll soon be ready to breathe with us out here.''

She glanced to the bottom of the bed where a plush dark oak cot laid. Cal had ensured it was specially made for their arrival at no expense. White sheets and linen covered the empty space which would soon be filled with a tiny person. Rose stood as best she could and found herself running her hand over the cot. It was finely made and yet so hard to imagine a baby resting there. A small stuffed rabbit lay out and she leant forward to pick it up gently. She bought its ears to her nose, there was no scent and soon it would smell of their baby.

''You will be sleeping in this room with me for a while.'' She started, ''as much as it wasn't advised. You also have a nursery of your own.'' She remembered the huge room full of impersonal items and a tall rocking Moses basket, it was a place she didn't visit much feeling it wasn't right for a child to sleep alone.

''I was frightened as a child of the ghosts and such things which haunt the innocent mind of children and I was locked in a room alone in the dark with nothing to hold to cease away the fright. I didn't dare cry for my Mother would have scolded me or worse taken away my books therefore I laid alone and that will not happen to you, little one.''

A small knock came to the door and Rose gasped startled by the sudden noise. ''Yes?''

Trudy, her maid entered. ''Mrs. Hockley I have simply come to see if you are all right. Perhaps you'd like a cup of tea or a biscuit?''

Rose found herself walking back to the chair beside the window. ''No, thank you.'' She turned back to the window.

Trudy hid her deep frustration. She took a few steps closer to her friend. Even though the pair had a friendship, Trudy knew she was still just a maid. Rose's behaviour during her pregnancy had been slightly out of character and she couldn't help but wonder if she was finding it hard to cope with such changes.

''Has the darling moved much today?''

''Yes.'' Rose replied simply.

Trudy pressed her lips together. ''Would you like some lunch, I know its four hours late but-''

Rose turned to her sharply. ''No Trudy!''

Trudy backed away. Rose turned back to the window. She seemed to do nothing these days but sit by the window especially when it was almost pitch black in the room without a light. Trudy delicately sat on the edge of Rose's bed.

''For the sake of your health and the child's, please eat something,'' she urged, ''just a snack or an apple?''

Rose said nothing. She just stroked her stomach.

Trudy watched her. Was there a bond with the child? She had to know. It hurt to see a woman in such a way when she should be at her loveliest. Didn't every woman want their child?

''Rose, I have a confession.''

Rose gave Trudy a sideways glance. ''Oh, do tell.''

Trudy wrung her hands for a moment. ''I, too had a child. A girl.''

Rose turned her head instantly. ''You have a daughter? One has never spoke of such things.''

''I allowed her to be adopted.'' Trudy watched the floor. ''She was four days old.''

Rose touched her chest in surprise. ''But, why?''

The tears shining in her eyes were obvious in the dim light. ''Ma and Pa didn't know I was carrying until the very last minute. I was just sixteen. The boy didn't ever know. He took what he wanted and I was left with what I believed to be the burden.''

She sat up straight.

''Of course I knew I was having a child. My stomach grew, I was sick and I did not eat-couldn't eat- very much like you. I found it difficult to hide my growth and I managed to for eight months.''

Rose blinked several times before allowing herself to picture such a thing. ''I felt nothing for the growth inside. I felt her kick, I ignored her and I did until the moment she was born.''

''Oh Trudy-''

''Ma found me in the bathroom, I had almost given birth to her alone until she helped me. She wasn't placed in my arms and I was cleaned up. I heard her crying for hours after and I was too weak to even hold her. The next day Pa told me to forget her, I had to give her up. It was only then I knew how much I loved her.''

Rose noticed just how much her grip on the chair had tightened, tears lined her eyes. ''You said goodbye?''

''Yes,'' Trudy nodded, ''the family were childless and had been told they would never have children. They looked at her with such love and that has carried me through these six years. Ma and Pa never mentioned her again and nor did I until now.''

Rose wiped away her tears. She hadn't realised just how lucky she was until now. ''My pregnancy must have been difficult for you. I am sorry for what happened. I believe you would have been an excellent Mother.''

Trudy stood from the bed and edged closer to Rose. ''Thank you but seeing you carry a child isn't difficult in fact it has been wonderful. The painful thing has been watching you struggle in a way I did in a way which no one but me has noticed. Perhaps you needed to suffer to sight such a detail but I have for months and I have watched you. Do you care for this child?''

Rose stopped even breathing for a moment. She hadn't stopped to think of such a thing. ''I believe so.''

She turned to Trudy, a woman who had been so open with her in her own life experiences perhaps it was she who needed a shoulder also.

''I do care. I just-I-'' She struggled to even find the words. ''It's something I never thought would happen to me, so young. There was the nausea and the bleeding and then I have stopped even wanting to eat. You see the girls at parties, dressing up with such energy it's almost as though they're not carrying a human. They drink champagne and glow with the rest of them and yet I have none of that.''

Trudy touched Rose's shoulder from behind. ''I feel movement, I know it's ready to come soon and I don't know if I am ready to be a Mother. My husband is obviously not ready to be a father. If he is well all he bleats on about is me bearing a damned boy. God help me if I bore a girl.''

''Men don't understand. My Pa never did. I think Ma wanted to keep the child but Pa made the decision final. This is _your_ child, do not let anyone else take that away from you. If Cal isn't thrilled, then he can damn it to Hell. Don't let that dampen your spirits.''

The child moved so swiftly Rose winced. ''You speak so wisely and beyond your years I always did wonder where such a trait would originate from. I know why.''

''Yes you do.''

Trudy let go of Rose's shoulder.

''Do you want more children?''

Trudy was taken aback by such a question.

''Forgive me-''

''It's quite all right.''' She smiled. She lit a small lamp beside the bed. ''Yes I would love to marry and have children. It is the one thing we were brought on this earth to do and I would like to experience that one day.''

Rose smiled. ''You know each day my Mother tells me I should get help to raise the child. A nanny or a wet nurse.'' She paused for a moment. ''The truth is I don't know how to hold a baby.''

''You will learn. We're women, we are designed for such things but having help is not something to be ashamed of.''

Rose stood from the seat. She came towards Trudy and took her hand in hers placing it softly to her stomach. A swift kick allowed Trudy to be introduced to her child. ''Oh my.'' She giggled. ''Perhaps it will be an unruly girl with a kick so strong.''

Rose found herself laughing for the first time in so long. ''Trudy, could I ask something of you?''

''Of course.''

''Would you help me? If it's not too much for you. Your secret is safe with me until I go to my grave but if such a thing ever arises again I want you to confide in me as I will you.''

''I am grateful. The same for you.''

''Then will you help me? What if you became my help for the baby?''

Trudy smiled slowly. ''You would like that?''

''I need someone who I trust and who I know would look after my child as though it was their own. I am sorry for your own loss but I hope in some way this would help you. You are my only friend.''

Two weeks later Margaret Elizabeth Hockley was born on the first day the sun shined in what seems like forever. Rose doted on her, Cal was surprised by her early arrival and soon after he returned home to work to keep watchful eye on his wife and their new-born and Trudy was Rose's personal maid and nanny even though to her it wasn't work. It was being a good friend.

 **I am currently pregnant with my first child and this story is what I have felt so far; ill, sad, lonely, weird, freaked out and love. I needed to write something and it felt great to do it. I have friends who have lost children, who have struggled and who have sailed through and each person who has ever carried a child I think is amazing! I hope you enjoyed this and it wasn't too depressing! :)**


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